NotTheRock Musings

Once you get married, then comes all the fun things about being married that you never knew existed. Like getting phone calls in the middle of the day from your rather stressed-out wife.

Today was like any other day here... I was busily churning out widgets or whatever it is I do here... and my phone rings. It's my wife and the first thing she does is tell me about her mood.

"I'm in a terrible mood," she announces.

"Well, terrific," I cautiously respond. "I can't wait to see you later, then."

Why is she in this mood? Well, for one thing, she's packing up the remainder of her things from her apartment and bringing them to our house. And it's pouring out today.

"This weather is ridiculous," she informs me.

Yes, indeed. Who can we talk to about that?

But this isn't the best part of what's aggravating her. No, the best part is that while she had the door to her upstairs apartment's sunroom propped open (to bring things to the car), a bird flew in the door, up the stairs and was now loose in her sunroom. The sunroom, it should be noted, has windows on three sides. She informs me that she and her mom cannot get the bird out.

"Well, have you opened the windows?" I asked.

"We opened one, but he won't go to it."

I do like the innocent nature of my wife. I think it's cute that she thinks animals are like the ones in Disney movies, with coherent, rational thoughts and the ability to reason. The only problem with looking at animals like this is that you end up in these situations where you can't figure out why the bird doesn't a) go out the one lone window you opened for him, or b) go back down the stairs and out the door.

"Honey, the bird can't tell which window is open. That's why they fly into glass all the time," I try to explain.

I continued, heading her off, "And he's not going to fly down the staircase he flew up because he's not smart enough to think of that."

"Well, yeah," she answers, "My mom was trying to call him to get him to go that way... saying, 'Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.'"

Her mom, I should mention, works a lot of overnight shifts and doesn't sleep enough.

When I asked why they didn't just open all the windows to increase their odds, she told me she was afraid he might attack her. Unless it was a hawk or something, I didn't think that was likely and I asked what kind of bird it was.

"A small bird," was the country girl's reply.

She then told me about how she tried to spook it back in the direction of the aforementioned door (at the bottom of a flight of stairs) by putting a box on her head and using a broom, but she freaked and tripped over a dishwasher that was recently delivered and sitting on the porch.

I wished I could have seen this play out, with my wife flailing at a tiny bird with a box on her head while her mom shrieked in the doorway.

High comedy.

Labels: amusing animal cruelty, birds, boxes as helmets