NotTheRock Musings

Have you ever tried to move a bathtub? I have. I have a claw-foot tub that I removed from my bathroom when I bought my house and put in the basement. With three other guys and a hand truck. Yeah, it's still sitting right where we left it. My point? They're not easy to move.

Yet somehow, some sneaky Japanese magician made one simply "vanish" from a hotel recently.

This reminds me of Austin Powers response to Ivana Humpalot saying her name: "Yeah, well I want a gold-plated toilet..."

This is an 18-karat gold bathtub that weights 176 lbs and was located on the tenth floor of the hotel. According to the story, the tub is only available for a few hours a day "for security reasons."

The story then goes on to reveal that the tub wasn't riveted down to the floor, there are no security camers, and they have no leads.

Yes, security is indeed tight.

Labels: golden bathtubs, golden showers, golden toilets

So normally I rail against media-types who mock hockey by saying nobody watches it and nobody cares and it's fallen behind poker in terms of popularity and TV ratings... but still, I can't argue the fact that I'm not paying attention one bit at this point. I haven't watched a hockey game since the Rangers were eliminated.

However, I'm still interested in telling you what's going to happen so that you don't need to watch, either.

Last round, I did say the Anaheim Ducks would make the Finals but I also said the Buffalo Sabres would get there, too, after taking out the Rangers. I was very wrong about that. Apparently, Ottawa is better than anyone realized.

Anyway, so here we are in the Finals and I'm ready to get on with making my pick.

Anaheim Ducks (2, West) versus Ottawa Senators (4, East) -- Well, as I said, Ottawa is clearly better than anybody realized. They took out the upstart Penguins to start the playoffs and then totally manhandled the Devils in the second round and then amazingly plowed through the Buffalo Sabres, nearly sweeping them in the conference finals. It's truly been an impressive performance for them. And now, they'll pretty much have all of Canada on their side since the country to the North tends to pull together when one of their teams makes the Finals. And on that subject, this is not a bad run the Canadian franchises are putting together. This marks the third consecutive Stanley Cup Finals that has featured a Canadian franchise. Given that there are only six teams left in Canada (Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Ottawa, Toronto and Montreal), this is not too bad. Granted, Calgary and Edmonton have lost the last two Finals, both in excruciating seventh-game fashion, but still, it's good for Canada to be so well-represented. At least the league is flourishing in one country.

As for Anaheim, they were one of the consistently best teams all season long. They had a stretch where they came back to Earth and actually were overtaken by Detroit for the #1 seed in the West, but they've simply been dominant in the playoffs. They've taken some lumps from some good teams but have managed to hit right back and assertively make their way to the Finals. I thought from about February on that the Finals would be Anaheim-Buffalo and I turned out to be half-right.

Anaheim is just too good, I think. They have two of the best defensemen in the NHL in Pronger and Neidermayer together on the same team. It's very hard for any team to deal with this, plus Anaheim's opportunistic scoring and lockdown goaltending from Giugere.

Sadly, I think it's going to be another "almost" Spring for Canada, as the Sens are going to be overtaken by a simply better team. It's not that Ottawa's going to lose, I don't think; I just think Anaheim is that much better.

Ducks in 6.

Labels: NHL, playoffs

Well, as of today, we're officially thirty days away from wedded bliss. Or our wedding, anyway.

Why did I use the picture to the right? Well, if you only glanced at it, look closer -- this is one of those examples of things you just don't consider when planning a wedding. See, if you choose to do it on a beach somewhere, this is always a possibility: fat, topless tourists from Alabama. So plan accordingly.

Last night, we had our final meeting with our Pastor and he declared us fit for marriage. It made me wonder what he would say if we had totally half-assed our sessions with him and so I asked. He said he definitely would tell a couple he doesn't think they're ready to be married and that he has serious reservations about it. Evidently, he has no such reservations about us. Good to know.

We've gotten our gifts for our wedding party. We've had our final meeting with the entertainment company, which includes DJ, photographer and videographer. Watersyne has further fittings of her dress. The girls are all getting their dresses altered, where necessary, at this time. The guys.... well, as far as clothing and game-day preparation are concerned, our only responsibility is making sure we don't get so fat we can't fit into the suits we were measured for. Oh, and confirming when picking it up that it's the right tux.

We have to have final conversations with our harpist for the ceremony music, the limo company for the day's details, the reception hall for how we want things set up, set up final payments to multiple vendors, decisions about reception favors.... We're beginning to fully realize why most couples are extremely ready for their honeymoon by the time the wedding day is approaching. Oh, and on that subject, we still need to officially choose our excursions for that.

It's a full-time job, folks. But most of you reading this already know that.

Labels: stupid fat people, The Final Countdown, wedding

Something that's sometimes said about blogging is that there are rules around what you should write about and there are lists of things people think it's taboo to write about. Some of those things involve your pregnancy, your children, your dog, your cats, things like that. Because, really, who wants to hear about how amazing your dog is?

One of the topics that I recently read is to be avoided when it comes to writing your own blog is your wedding. Well, I guess I can understand that, but I don't really care. As you may recall, I make the rules around here.

Last night, Watersyne and I had our meeting at the entertainment company that's handling our DJ services, photography and videography. That's all well and good and we got accomplished what we needed to get done. On the way out, we saw a picture of a reception hall, set and ready for the party (whether it was a wedding or not, who knows). And, you know, if we were having any trouble deciding on the theme for our wedding or what colors to use or the centerpiece that should be on each table... well... maybe this picture answered all of it at once.

I think this might be a winner in so many ways. Yes, that's right, the centerpieces are fucking stock cars. I'm sorry, but... really? Have we gotten to this point with NASCAR's following? I mean, I love hockey but I'm not making each table a team-themed table with a giant puck as the centerpiece. (Although that would be cool....)

"I don't think it's a wedding," said Watersyne hopefully, clearly not wanting to believe it's possible that someone would do this.

And it would definitely make more sense as.... something else. Like a birthday party. But how many birthday parties are so organized? I mean, this is a hall of some sort, ready to host an ostensibly formal event. I mean, except for the giant stock cars overhead.

I also like that they didn't just stop with the massive cars that are a tad big for centerpieces, I think we can all agree. No, they decided that if they were going to do this they were going to go all the way. The checkered flag tablecloth and napkins... the overhead banners for the various drivers. I can almost picture the fistfight between the two hillbillies who both want the last seat at the Tony Stewart table.

Labels: hillrats, NASCAR, things that just shouldn't be, wedding

Jesus saves... but Pope John Paul II puts in the rebound!!

Okay, that's enough tempting the heavens to strike me down for one day. It's been a while since I posted here, and in that time a lot has happened. We'll keep this post specific to hockey.

The Rangers finally exited the playoffs after giving us a hell of a lot to get excited about this Spring. They bounced the Atlanta Thrashers in four games in the first round and then put up a great fight against Buffalo, the best team in the NHL, in the second round. The series was 2-2 after four games and in Game 5, the two teams battled scorelessly until about 3:16 was left in the game and Marty Straka made it 1-0 Rangers. This would have been huge, to hold on to that lead. Winning Game 5 in Buffalo's building would have finished them, I firmly believe. Lundqvist was already in their heads and if he'd held on to that shutout, Buffalo would have then lost three in a row while scoring a total of two goals in those three games.

Alas, the Rangers getting the breaks did not continue in Game 5. With under eight seconds to go, the Sabres tied the game up and then won it in overtime on the power play. Series over.

I had said after Game 4 that if the Rangers won Game 5 that I thought they'd win the series but that they'd have to do it in Game 6 and not allow the series to go back to Buffalo. And that if Buffalo won Game 5 it was probably over. Game 5s are always pivotal but this one felt even more critical. And then to lose it that way, well, you just knew it hit the Rangers right in the gut.

It showed in Game 6 back at the Garden. The crowd was bonkers but Buffalo had their legs back and their confidence showed. They put five goals past Lundqvist and held on the furious Rangers rally, as New York kept coming back from two goals down, eventually succumbing 5-4. As far as series that don't go the full distance are concerned, this was a very good one. And the Ranger fans repeated last year's classy send-off by staying in the building at the end and saluting the Rangers one more time, even getting the player salute to the fans one last time for a great season. There's a lot to be proud of and this team is definitely heading in the right direction. How much longer the Jagr window is open is a matter of some concern, though. Look for the Rangers to re-sign Shanahan and Nylander and maybe pick up one or two more proven guys to make a serious run next season. I can't wait.

As for my prognosticating, I'm doing pretty well. After getting seven of eight series correct in Round 1, I had all four right in Round 2, bringing me to 11-1 in picking series winners correctly. Too bad I had no money on any of this. I'm an idiot, for the record.

So how about those conference finals?

(1) Detroit Red Wings versus (2) Anaheim Ducks -- The Duck franchise's decision to lose the "Mighty" from their name seems to have worked wonders. This team got off to a blistering start at the beginning of the season and kept going strong in the talented Western Conference all year long. They've now plowed through the first two rounds of the playoffs and it doesn't look to me like many teams even have a shot at stopping their outstanding top defensive guys, Chris Pronger and Scott Neidermayer. Those two are just the anchor of a fantastic team. Teemu Selanne up front is still the sniper he always was and J-S Giguiere in net is on absolute fire this postseason. As for Detroit, most people picked the Sharks to upset them in the second round and the Wings were indeed down 2-1 in the series before winning three straight to close out the teal boys from San Jose. If Dominik Hasek is focused and not playing possum, the Wings are near-impossible to beat. They're well-coached, have talent, have solid defensive players and, as mentioned, have an all-world goalie. Only problem is that goalie is 42 and the Wings lost one of their top defenders for the playoffs in Matt Schneider. As a result, 45-year-old Chris Chelios will be getting even more ice time and there's talk of him playing the power play for the first time in probably a decade. While I admire the Wings focus and I think they have one of the best home-ice advantages in all of hockey, I felt since midseason that the Western Finals representative would be Anaheim. Not enough has changed to make me rethink that. The Wings will be tough but in the end they won't have quite enough to overcome a more healthy and equally talented Ducks squad. Ducks in 7.

(1) Buffalo Sabres versus (4) Ottawa Senators -- These teams hate one another. They had one of the best (worst?) brawls all season just a couple months ago. That fight included the goalies going at it, although the Buffalo goalie that night was the since-traded Marty Biron. However, as I said, they hate one another and the bad blood remains. Thing is, this is the playoffs and I think they'll be a little more focused and less interested in taking runs at each other. If the series or a specific game get out of reach, then you'll definitely see some cheap shots. As for the teams, Buffalo just punched in the mouth by the Rangers but remained committed to their game and was able to recover. Ordinarily, I'd say I would be worried about their resolve after seeing how losing those two close ones at the Garden clearly rattled them. However, as I mentioned above, the Sabres seemed to regain their poise, confidence and swagger in Game 6 and took care of business the way championship-caliber teams do. Ottawa, though, has also been methodic in putting away upstart Pittsburgh and perennial power New Jersey. The New Jersey series was particularly interesting since the Sens have a history and reputation of choking in the playoffs while New Jersey is usually a steady winner in the Spring. The Sens seem to have chucked their choker label and are clearly as focused as they've ever been on the big prize. And this is a good year for them, not being the 1-seed, not being expected to win it all. Maybe it's that ability to be under the radar that's helping them. Regardless, I think their ride ends here. The Sabres are just too good and too complete a team. I think they got their one scare in this past round and that they'll run over Ottawa on their way to the Finals. As I said about the Ducks, I felt the Sabres were destined for the Finals months ago. It's an easy pick for me. Sabres in 5.

Labels: me taking sports way too seriously, NHL, playoffs

Well, holy hell, those were two amazing playoff games at Madison Square Garden. While the two home games against Atlanta two weeks ago were fun, they weren't nearly as suspensful or "playoff hockeylike" as these past two against Buffalo.

The Rangers had come in against Atlanta up 2-0 and simply dominated their two home games, sweeping the Thrashers and making us fans deliriously happy with a playoff winner to cheer for. Then, of course, our beloved Rangers drew the top-seeded, tops-in-the-NHL Buffalo Sabres in the second round by virtue of being the lowest seed left and we all felt, well, it was a good season.

I'm not suggesting Rangers fans gave up -- never! But we're also a realistic bunch and we know that last year was a huge leap forward with a terrible finish (being swept by the Devils). And then this year was another step forward in making the playoffs again and then advancing. Losing to the best team in the NHL wouldn't be the worst thing and we'd still be proud of our boys.

But what's funny is that the Rangers themselves didn't seem to be just happy to be in the second round. They wanted to win. They played a tough first two periods in Game 1 before getting sloppy and losing to a team they aren't fast enough to play a fast style with. Then in Game 2, they let 2-1 in the third before allowing two late goals to let one slip away. They must have believe they should have won that game (and they should have) because they came home ready to outhustle and outplay Buffalo. They had 46 shots in the double-OT game on Sunday to make the series 2-1, Buffalo, and then they controlled the play for most of last night's 2-1 win as well.

Now, suddenly, it's 2-2 and it's almost difficult to believe. We're not used to the Rangers handling adversity this well. And as I said, nobody could blame them if they lost to the Sabres who, when you watch them, you can't help saying, "Wow, this team is good."

But the Rangers clearly have a game plan and it's working. They're playing physical with the less-brutish Sabres, they're not letting them get set up on offense, and they're playing good defense and not letting the Sabres rush up and down the ice. Sure, it means you almost have to play Devils-style hockey (score a goal and hope for a shutout by your goalie) but they seem to have determined that this is the only way to win this series. And do you know what? We're all starting to believe it can happen.

Last night, the Rangers managed to take a 2-0 lead with about 12 minutes to go in the third period an we went bananas. A 2-0 lead with as well as Lundqvist is playing in net? We felt a lot better than the tenuous 1-0 lead. Well, we hadn't even stopped celebrating when, 33 seconds later, Buffalo broke through for a goal to make it 2-1. And then they kept the pressure on and several times nearly tied it up.

The most notable time is evidenced in the picture above, when Henrik Lundqvist had to make an amazing stop on Daniel Briere with less than twenty seconds left in the game. The play went to review because the Sabres thought it went in and the officials weren't sure. The review went on for quite some time, with all of us remaining on our feet as we had been for the final two minutes of this incredibly suspenseful game. As the review dragged on, more and more people began calling friends who were watching on TV. My sister texted me and said it looked like a goal. We heard the same thing from others. We began to think that it was a tie game and we could be looking at another long overtime.

Then, suddenly, the Rangers caught a break. The replays showed the puck almost crossing the line but there was no camera angle that actually showed the puck completely over the line. The screen capture below is what was looked at the most, I think.


You can see the black smudge that is the puck right on the goal line and right against Lundqvist's right pad. That pad continued sliding out from the net and so, for that reason, I think it's possible the puck was never completely over the line. Either way, the officials saw they did not have conclusive evidence to overturn the no-goal call on the ice and gave the signal that it was indeed, no goal.

And the place, once again, went ballistic. I haven't cheered for hockey like that in many, many years. I said to my dad that the whole last ten minutes of the game felt like the Finals in 1994, as the Rangers desperately tried to hold off a furious attack.

So now, as I said, the series is 2-2 and it's now a best-of-three series with Game 5 Friday in Buffalo, Game 6 Sunday back at the Garden and Game 7, if necessary, next Tuesday night in Buffalo.

I did actually say that I thought this would be the case after four games, although I thought each team would split at home while instead each team has held serve at home. This, of course, doesn't bode well for the Rangers since they'll now have to win at least one in Buffalo and then win another home game, too. But it's not nearly as daunting as being in that 0-2 hole to start the series was.

And another interesting thing to me was simply how downtrodden the Sabres sounded after both Games 3 and 4. Admittedly, those are tough games to lose, one in OT and the other on a disputed goal (both 2-1, nailbiters). However, if you're that team you need to look at it as having been so close it could have gone either way. The Rangers coaching staff seems to get the Rangers to believe they can win no matter what the odds are and this is evident in how the team plays and how focused they clearly are. The Sabres just sounded defeated in the locker room after both games and even their coach, Lindy Ruff, has repeatedly said things about how they "have to get [their] feet moving," and things of that nature. It almost sounds like he isn't sure what to do. All season long, the Sabres have rolled four lines successfully, yet in last night's game Ruff changed that and only had three lines going for much of the game. Does this shift in approach impact fatigue? Does it show some minor panic on the Sabres part?

Anytime you lose consecutive games in the playoffs you have to panic at least a little bit since there's so little time to have slumps, but you really shouldn't let your team, fans and, most importantly, the opposition, see that panic. And I think the Sabres are beginning to wonder why their dynamic offensive team is having so much trouble. And maybe Henrik Lunqvist and his stellar play is starting to get into their heads a little bit.

Buffalo is a disciplined team and, unlike Atlanta, isn't letting the Rangers physical play goad them into penalties or stupid mistakes. They appear focused as well but, as I said, a little more nervous than they were when they were up 2-0. If you want to get all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals, you have to be able to overcome this kind of pressure. The Sabres, if they want to advance, need to stop acting and sounding like they're losing this series. They lost in the Eastern Conference Finals last year and felt they got a raw deal and were actually the better team. Many agreed that they were but that it just didn't happen for them. In this series, there's no doubt in anyone's mind that they're the better team once again -- but right now they're showing signs of being mortal.

Stan Fischler said on the Rangers post-game last night that he fully expects the Rangers to win this series now. Some of the other guys were kind of surprised at how confident Fischler now was in the Rangers and he said he thinks he sees it in how both teams are playing and that he thinks it won't matter who has home-ice. That's mighty bold and even I am not willing to go that far.

However, I've said enough for now. Game 5 is Friday and if they can pull out a win in Buffalo, they'll be back home on Sunday playing to move on to the Conference Finals. Just knowing it's a possibility is awesome.

I love hockey.

Labels: me taking sports way too seriously, NHL, playoffs, Rangers

...because these people will eat them!

Yes, you heard me. When was the last time you ate a faggot? Well, if you haven't, you should check out the official "Faggot Family." It appears that faggots are actually some kind of long-lost delicacy in Europe, according to this story. Of course, so are a lot of gross things and given the way the term "faggot" has evolved, I'm imagining the food version isn't all that palatable to Americans.

Though upon further review, maybe this family just wanted to draw attention away from their last time (Doody). Tired of all the Doody jokes? Well, having your family earn the distinction "The Faggot Family" will certainly distract from your last name. Sheesh.

Fred Doody was quoted as saying, "The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."

And that's just one of a million lines that look like they came from the Onion. I can't make this shit up.

Labels: delicious, England, faggots