NotTheRock Musings

And yet I use it.

But I do think "social networking" sites like MySpace and Facebook are, by and large, a terrible idea. People will tell you that they're "addicting." I'm not so sure about that. I think they're kind of silly, honestly. Sure, I play around with my Facebook page, but I don't see how people find them addicting. If Facebook ceased to exist tomorrow, I think that'd be fine and I'd adapt without a problem.

What I do like about it is the fact that I can send little digs at my friends, the way I normally would via email or in person -- but it's very easy to fall out of contact with friends and for months to go by. Facebook, to its credit, does allow you to pop in and see what's going on with people's lives -- assuming they actually provide updates.

What I don't like, among many things, is one of the things I've heard many others say is so great about Facebook -- that you'll be reconnected with people you haven't talked to in 15 years. Like that's some kind of good thing.

"I got befriended by Herman from 7th grade! Remember Herman?"

Well, sure I do. And I hated him then, so why would I possibly want to be connected to Herman in any way now?

But if Herman befriends you, you can always reject him -- which is kind of a dick move, but satisfying nonetheless, especially if you're a dick like me. It's those in-betweeners, though, that are the tough ones. Like when Jane from accounting at work befriends you. You don't want Jane seeing your weekend pictures from beer pong or some dude you barely know at work seeing your wife in a bathing suit. And sure, you can censor your photos, but then it becomes more work than it's worth and you probably shouldn't be on Facebook anyway.

So you wind up either accepting the friend request just to avoid any preponderance of conflict (and don't get me started on how 8th-grade-ish it feels to even conceive of "conflict" as a result of Facebook) or you reject it. I have only rejected one actual friend request thus far, and I'm up to around 110 "friends" (of which, maybe 30 or 40 are actually people I'd call friends). The one I rejected was an girl I dated briefly a few years ago. Seriously, why would I want someone like that being able to peep into my personal life or how I interact with my friends? I'm sure some people are so eager to up their friends count that they would say yes to anyone -- but not me. I'm a trailblazer like that (not the Chevy kind, though -- their transmissions are weak).

Another option -- and I like this one, too -- is to simply ignore the friend request. If you don't accept or reject it, they have no idea what you're doing and can only twist in the wind. Fun, again, if you're a dickhead. Like me.

And yet another fun option is to accept someone as your friend -- especially if they have a lot of friends themselves -- and then at some point go in and delete them from your friends list. They'll get a note when you accept them but they won't get a note when you drop them. So they'll either never know, or they're go nuts trying to figure out who dropped them. Fun all around.

What else do I hate about Facebook? Glad I asked.

I hate it when people write updates that aren't clever.

"Bill is working."

"Chris is tired."

"Mary is watching TV."

Seriously, who gives a shit? I do all those things, too. Those are leftover brainless ca-ca from the early days of AOL Instant Messenger. That was a decade ago, people. Don't tell me you're at work -- we're all at fricking work! Tell me you have gas or you are having an affair or you just killed a guy and left him in a dumpster on Louisiana Street.

And don't try so hard to be profound. I saw a status update a few weeks ago that said "...thinks there's something sublime about making a child's lunch."

"Sublime"? Who do you think you are, J.R.R. Tolkien? And sublime means "noble: lofty" or "inspiring awe." If making lunch is that awesome, I'll take two PB&Js every morning, weirdo.

One thing Facebook does allow us to see is those who lack creativity. It can't hide on Facebook. It's a lot like blogging in that you're expected to update frequently, with little to no filter and you're expected to be interesting, or else people aren't going to stop by your page. One of my friends from high school has always been one of those people who latches on to something funny that someone else does and then beats the joke into the ground until it's completely unfunny. At one point recently, he had a status up that said "...is still trying to figure out why we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway."

Wow, solid. What's next? A joke about why we can't make entire airplanes out of the black box material? Because that's pretty hilarious, too.

This same unfunny dude also had up a status that was a direct lift from a line in the movie Ten Things I Hate About You. Now, I know that movie because my sister thought it was hilarious and it kind of was -- but it's about high school kids and is from about 8 or 9 years ago. Sad, really, that a 30-something dude is stealing their lines.

Something else endemic to Facebook is the online bravery that occurs. It's not quite the same as an anonymous post on a message board or blogsite, but it's close. People will post antagonistic things -- these days almost always political -- and then if you choose to question it, you'll often be publicly told you're a retard. Why are we on these sites again? To keep in touch with narrow-minded friends? DELETE.

And what's with these "Groups" on Facebook? You join a group and then.... nothing. You can talk about that topic. Whoop-dee-doo. I don't need to join a New York Rangers fan group to talk about the New York Rangers, but okie dokie, here I go.... baaaaaaaaah! (That was my sheep noise.)

There's also all the little add-ons you can do on Facebook, most of which are apparently non-Facebook-sanctioned. Some are kind of amusing, but most are ridiculously stupid. You'll log on and see that "Jim threw a pie at Margie using Facebook Pie Throwing." Uh, what?

Or "Melanie gave you a fine of $500 in Facebook Parking Ticket Wars." Really? Who cares?

I want one that allows me to send things like, "J gave you a donkey punch in Facebook Rough Sex Games."

So I guess that's my rant of Facebook. Overall, it's a mildly entertaining and a fun outlet for the kind of wise-assery I enjoy. There are a few friends I have on there who share my kind of humor and we definitely enjoy posting silly things, commenting on each others' statuses (stati?), and so forth. But overall, I think Facebook is a bad idea.

I'm just glad we didn't have online counters adding up our number of "friends" when I was growing up. This makes me think about what this must do to the high school loner's psyche -- those people had to always wonder about friendships they didn't have or how they got where they are. But now it's counted there in a little number that adds it all up for them -- and when you're a teen, sometimes a number like that goes a long way to determining your self-worth. Scary thought, at least to me. It also allows for a lot more bullying, but I'll leave that to the Today show to cover when one of their kids gets involved.

Labels: Facebook, online hilarity, stupidity