Wednesday, August 15, 2007
"Keep Money You Would Have Kept Anyway" Isn't As Catchy
Okay, listen Bank of America. I like you. I like you more than most ginormous, near-monopolies deserve to be liked. In general, your customer service is good (for a bank) and I enjoy the ease of accessing my account information online.
That said, knock this shit off with "Keep the Change." Every single morning, while I have the Today Show on, I invariably hear your stupid commercial about "if all the loose change out there banded togerther." Yeah, if all the loose change in my pockets, my desk, random cups in my house and office, my car door handle, my nightstand, my wife's nightstand, my dresser, my jackets, my computer backpack, my suitcases, my sofa, my carpets and so forth... if it all "banded together," yes, I might have a nice chunk of "found money." I get that. But to equate that with your stupid "Keep the change" program is insulting, annoying and just plain false.
For those that don't know, Bank of Amercia's "Keep the Change" program works like this:
You have a debit card attached to your checking account. You use that debit card to buy an item or items -- let's say the total charge is $25.32. Bank of America, in this example, then charges you another 68 cents and then -- get this! -- deposits that 68 cents into your savings account for you. Thus you have "kept the change."
But wait, you say, wouldn't I already have that 68 cents whether I was involved in this "program" or not?
Why yes, you would.
"So I'm not gaining anything?" you would then ask.
No, no, you are not, I would respond.
Then I'm not doing that, you'd conclude... because you're a reasonable, salient, moderately intelligent human being.
Yet they continue pushing this stupid "feature" like it's something special that you're getting for being a Bank of America customer. In a nutshell, you're being charged a markup (albeit small) every single time you use your debit card and then... it's being given right back to you.
What's the point here? Forced savings? I guess so. I guess this is for the people who think that when they underreport their dependents and then at the end of the year get a big, fat tax refund, that they've somehow made out well and taken money from the government. When in reality, no, you've just given the government an interest-free loan that they made interest income on. Well-played, genius. Go save another twelve cents on your next trip to A&P.
That said, knock this shit off with "Keep the Change." Every single morning, while I have the Today Show on, I invariably hear your stupid commercial about "if all the loose change out there banded togerther." Yeah, if all the loose change in my pockets, my desk, random cups in my house and office, my car door handle, my nightstand, my wife's nightstand, my dresser, my jackets, my computer backpack, my suitcases, my sofa, my carpets and so forth... if it all "banded together," yes, I might have a nice chunk of "found money." I get that. But to equate that with your stupid "Keep the change" program is insulting, annoying and just plain false.
For those that don't know, Bank of Amercia's "Keep the Change" program works like this:
You have a debit card attached to your checking account. You use that debit card to buy an item or items -- let's say the total charge is $25.32. Bank of America, in this example, then charges you another 68 cents and then -- get this! -- deposits that 68 cents into your savings account for you. Thus you have "kept the change."
But wait, you say, wouldn't I already have that 68 cents whether I was involved in this "program" or not?
Why yes, you would.
"So I'm not gaining anything?" you would then ask.
No, no, you are not, I would respond.
Then I'm not doing that, you'd conclude... because you're a reasonable, salient, moderately intelligent human being.
Yet they continue pushing this stupid "feature" like it's something special that you're getting for being a Bank of America customer. In a nutshell, you're being charged a markup (albeit small) every single time you use your debit card and then... it's being given right back to you.
What's the point here? Forced savings? I guess so. I guess this is for the people who think that when they underreport their dependents and then at the end of the year get a big, fat tax refund, that they've somehow made out well and taken money from the government. When in reality, no, you've just given the government an interest-free loan that they made interest income on. Well-played, genius. Go save another twelve cents on your next trip to A&P.
Labels: Bank of America, Keep the Change, stupid fat people, things that just shouldn't be
