Thursday, May 22, 2008
Airborne Virus
It's amazing to me that a survey was needed to know that people don't want to listen to self-important a-holes yammer on their cell phones during plane rides. Frankly, I'm amazed that the number (74%) of people who don't want to hear phone-talking wasn't even higher. Anyone who has traveled on any form of transportation knows how damn annoying this is. And I know I've always feared the day when we would be able to talk on airplanes, too.It's awful when you ride a bus or train with someone who does this. I always wonder, when I'm on a super-early train or bus, "Who is this self-important asshole talking to?" I mean, seriously, you're doing business at 6:30 AM? Or are you on a social call? Because if one of my friends called to chat at some ungodly hour of the morning, they would cease to A) be my friend, and B) live, if they were within driving distance to go and strangle.
I guess it's cool that several airlines are rolling out wireless features that limit talking. Texting, email and gaming will likely be allowed very soon. And that's fine. But I also think it will make us wistful once again for the simpler times when we couldn't check email on an airplane. Actually, airplanes are the one remaining sanctuary where we're not "connected." You have to turn off your cell phone and your blackberry and your computer can't (or shouldn't) pick up wireless signals so your only email obsession-feeding is via your archived mail.
You often hear people make comments like, "What did we do before cell phones?" It won't be long before it's, "What did we do before we had wireless access on airplanes? We had wait until we got where we were going! Imagine!"
And what irritates me to to no end is the phone calls that do happen once you're able to turn your phone back on, twelve seconds after your plane is on the ground. Listen to those around you who can barely wait to get their phone back on and stuck to their ear -- the conversations are all exactly the same.
"Hey, it's me. We landed."
"Still on the plane."
"I said, we're STILL ON THE PLANE!"
"Okay. Well, I gotta go to baggage claim. Okay. I'll see you then. Bye."
Was that necessary? Or could we all agree to just meet at baggage claim ahead of time? Like we used to.
Fine, so I'm becoming a grumpy old man.
Also? Get off my lawn.
Labels: a-holes, air travel, cell phones piss me off, obnoxious, things that just shouldn't be
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
"Keep Money You Would Have Kept Anyway" Isn't As Catchy
Okay, listen Bank of America. I like you. I like you more than most ginormous, near-monopolies deserve to be liked. In general, your customer service is good (for a bank) and I enjoy the ease of accessing my account information online.
That said, knock this shit off with "Keep the Change." Every single morning, while I have the Today Show on, I invariably hear your stupid commercial about "if all the loose change out there banded togerther." Yeah, if all the loose change in my pockets, my desk, random cups in my house and office, my car door handle, my nightstand, my wife's nightstand, my dresser, my jackets, my computer backpack, my suitcases, my sofa, my carpets and so forth... if it all "banded together," yes, I might have a nice chunk of "found money." I get that. But to equate that with your stupid "Keep the change" program is insulting, annoying and just plain false.
For those that don't know, Bank of Amercia's "Keep the Change" program works like this:
You have a debit card attached to your checking account. You use that debit card to buy an item or items -- let's say the total charge is $25.32. Bank of America, in this example, then charges you another 68 cents and then -- get this! -- deposits that 68 cents into your savings account for you. Thus you have "kept the change."
But wait, you say, wouldn't I already have that 68 cents whether I was involved in this "program" or not?
Why yes, you would.
"So I'm not gaining anything?" you would then ask.
No, no, you are not, I would respond.
Then I'm not doing that, you'd conclude... because you're a reasonable, salient, moderately intelligent human being.
Yet they continue pushing this stupid "feature" like it's something special that you're getting for being a Bank of America customer. In a nutshell, you're being charged a markup (albeit small) every single time you use your debit card and then... it's being given right back to you.
What's the point here? Forced savings? I guess so. I guess this is for the people who think that when they underreport their dependents and then at the end of the year get a big, fat tax refund, that they've somehow made out well and taken money from the government. When in reality, no, you've just given the government an interest-free loan that they made interest income on. Well-played, genius. Go save another twelve cents on your next trip to A&P.
That said, knock this shit off with "Keep the Change." Every single morning, while I have the Today Show on, I invariably hear your stupid commercial about "if all the loose change out there banded togerther." Yeah, if all the loose change in my pockets, my desk, random cups in my house and office, my car door handle, my nightstand, my wife's nightstand, my dresser, my jackets, my computer backpack, my suitcases, my sofa, my carpets and so forth... if it all "banded together," yes, I might have a nice chunk of "found money." I get that. But to equate that with your stupid "Keep the change" program is insulting, annoying and just plain false.
For those that don't know, Bank of Amercia's "Keep the Change" program works like this:
You have a debit card attached to your checking account. You use that debit card to buy an item or items -- let's say the total charge is $25.32. Bank of America, in this example, then charges you another 68 cents and then -- get this! -- deposits that 68 cents into your savings account for you. Thus you have "kept the change."
But wait, you say, wouldn't I already have that 68 cents whether I was involved in this "program" or not?
Why yes, you would.
"So I'm not gaining anything?" you would then ask.
No, no, you are not, I would respond.
Then I'm not doing that, you'd conclude... because you're a reasonable, salient, moderately intelligent human being.
Yet they continue pushing this stupid "feature" like it's something special that you're getting for being a Bank of America customer. In a nutshell, you're being charged a markup (albeit small) every single time you use your debit card and then... it's being given right back to you.
What's the point here? Forced savings? I guess so. I guess this is for the people who think that when they underreport their dependents and then at the end of the year get a big, fat tax refund, that they've somehow made out well and taken money from the government. When in reality, no, you've just given the government an interest-free loan that they made interest income on. Well-played, genius. Go save another twelve cents on your next trip to A&P.
Labels: Bank of America, Keep the Change, stupid fat people, things that just shouldn't be
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
A Talladega Wedding
Something that's sometimes said about blogging is that there are rules around what you should write about and there are lists of things people think it's taboo to write about. Some of those things involve your pregnancy, your children, your dog, your cats, things like that. Because, really, who wants to hear about how amazing your dog is?
One of the topics that I recently read is to be avoided when it comes to writing your own blog is your wedding. Well, I guess I can understand that, but I don't really care. As you may recall, I make the rules around here.
Last night, Watersyne and I had our meeting at the entertainment company that's handling our DJ services, photography and videography. That's all well and good and we got accomplished what we needed to get done. On the way out, we saw a picture of a reception hall, set and ready for the party (whether it was a wedding or not, who knows). And, you know, if we were having any trouble deciding on the theme for our wedding or what colors to use or the centerpiece that should be on each table... well... maybe this picture answered all of it at once.
One of the topics that I recently read is to be avoided when it comes to writing your own blog is your wedding. Well, I guess I can understand that, but I don't really care. As you may recall, I make the rules around here.
Last night, Watersyne and I had our meeting at the entertainment company that's handling our DJ services, photography and videography. That's all well and good and we got accomplished what we needed to get done. On the way out, we saw a picture of a reception hall, set and ready for the party (whether it was a wedding or not, who knows). And, you know, if we were having any trouble deciding on the theme for our wedding or what colors to use or the centerpiece that should be on each table... well... maybe this picture answered all of it at once.
I think this might be a winner in so many ways. Yes, that's right, the centerpieces are fucking stock cars. I'm sorry, but... really? Have we gotten to this point with NASCAR's following? I mean, I love hockey but I'm not making each table a team-themed table with a giant puck as the centerpiece. (Although that would be cool....)
"I don't think it's a wedding," said Watersyne hopefully, clearly not wanting to believe it's possible that someone would do this.
And it would definitely make more sense as.... something else. Like a birthday party. But how many birthday parties are so organized? I mean, this is a hall of some sort, ready to host an ostensibly formal event. I mean, except for the giant stock cars overhead.
I also like that they didn't just stop with the massive cars that are a tad big for centerpieces, I think we can all agree. No, they decided that if they were going to do this they were going to go all the way. The checkered flag tablecloth and napkins... the overhead banners for the various drivers. I can almost picture the fistfight between the two hillbillies who both want the last seat at the Tony Stewart table.
Labels: hillrats, NASCAR, things that just shouldn't be, wedding
