NotTheRock Musings

Did you ever see that movie, Deep Impact? It came out the same year as Armaggeddon and was the same basic story; a massive asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and mankind is trying to defend itself. Well, during Deep Impact, they would occasionally put up on the screen a reminder of how much time was left before humankind was going to be obliterated. Something like:

"August 6: Eight days to impact."

Well, that's kind of how I'm feeling these days. I feel like on a day like today, when I get up in the morning, there's a little digital readout beneath me and it says:

"June 15: One week to impact."

(I suppose it would be obnoxious of me to say something like "One week to detonation." Hee.)

I imagine people get very nostalgic and introspective during the final days and weeks before they get married. But I haven't had much of that. Fact is, I've been so balls-to-the-wall nuttily busy, I can't think about much beyond when I get to sleep next. Work is blowing up like crazy, we have all those typical last-minute craziness details to do, plus we're always in the process of improving my house... so really, I've not had time to think too much about things.

I had to sit down and carefully do my personal vows the other day. I had started them several weeks ago and had to get that wrapped up. And I wanted to make sure it wasn't, like, during a break between to work-related things I was writing. You know, probably wouldn't be the right frame of mind as I rushed through it, making sure to use the writing style the Fremulon Insurance* prefers.

I also think that it's interesting that some people freak out right before they get married. (Or maybe that's just years of TV and movies making me think that.) I mean, if you haven't flipped your shit by this point, why would you once you've got the tux on?

I was talking to a friend about this a while back and I commented on that fact. And how it felt more like a committment when I bought the diamond ring and when I asked her to marry me. From that point on, I felt like we were more "committed" than anything that happens on the actual wedding day. My friend pointed out that, no, I was committed a couple of days earlier when I spoke to her father about his permission. Point taken.

I go to pick up the wedding rings today and that's pretty cool. I love what we designed and am looking forward to us wearing them. Another thing I'm looking forward to? Our honeymoon. Nearly two weeks of fun in the sun, relaxing, snorkeling, eating, drinking, swimming, maybe a little hiking, parasailing, etc... I mean, the idea of going away and NOT having to be concerned with the next step of wedding planning is simply a heavenly thought. It's funny how you get to a point where, even in a short engagement, you simply can't remember your life before you were planning this grand event. I mean, really, our lives must have been so much easier then. They didn't necessarily seem like it, but they do now. Just like when you have kids, you wonder how much simpler your life must have been before them.

We make our final payments to the reception hall on Sunday, along with delivering all the things that have to be at the reception (centerpieces, favors, cameras, etc.). After that, we're actually hoping to be able to take a breath and sort of enjoy the final week. We have a few more payments due but for the most part, we'll have the big things (and most of the small things) squared away.

One of the things we feel like we should do is create at least some semblance of a list for our photographer so that when we're asked what we want pictures of, we don't just stare blankly and say, "Uhhhh, I dunno." So I've been doing some Web searches for wedding photography checklists. Some have been way more than we would need, some have been less. But one is kind of haughty looking and kind of vague in its suggestions, which isn't helpful at all. And then there's this little gem:

Tip: Ask your photographer to take some shots using a slow-shutter speed so the
movement blurs the image a little. See the example to the left.

The example to the left? Well, go to this link and take a look at the blurry, piece-of-shit picture they use as an example of artsy photography. It's purely awful. And it's kind of funny. Haven't we all known someone who thought they were a lot more artful than they actually were? Well, this Website appears to take it to a higher form. Fun.

Anyway, no matter how much you prepare, you still end up feeling like the host of the event for the entire weekend, making sure people are on time and comfortable and having fun. And I think that's actually normal but we sometimes forget that. I mean, you are, after all, having a reception, which means you're receiving people. So yeah, we are the hosts. And we think it's going to be a hell of a good time.

One more crazy week to go.

*Not the real name of one of my clients.

Labels: obliteration of mankind, wedding

You know how people often joke about eloping? Well, they're probably not joking.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I want a real wedding. I want all the fun that goes with it. But I also completely understand right now why so many couples who are getting married get to that "let's get this over with" stage long before their wedding day actually arrives.

Something I would advise people not to do is think about what you could be spending your money on if you weren't putting on a massive party and buying dinner for 200 people. Because, really, it's kind of not fun to think about how much cash you spend.

Yet there you are, making budgets and trying to keep a handle on everything so you don't go completely out of control. And then you've got parents offering to help out and so you really do have to figure out exactly what everything is costing. And, just like buying a house, eventually you become numb to it.

"Oh, that's $2,000? Oh, okay, let me write you a check."

Also like buying a house, I feel like this becomes a full-time job in and of itself. You have things like booking a reception hall, booking a church, finding a photography location, finding a photographer, finding a DJ, finding a videographer, locking in a block of hotel rooms, making dozens upon dozens of phone calls, managing budgets, determining centerpieces, determining bouquets, making pocket squares, making favors, making invitations, making invite lists (for engagement parties, showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsals, weddings, etc.), monitoring those invite lists, following up with people who don't reply, registering for gifts, tracking who sent what, sending thank-yous, returning gifts you registered for but once you have them wondered why you ever wanted them in the first place, deciding on rehearsal dinner location, deciding on engagement party location, deciding on consummation location, finding a dress for the bride, finding dresses for the bridesmaids, finding tuxedos for the groomsmen, making sure the groomsmen get measured (for their tuxes, that is), finding the bride a place for hair and makeup, agreeing on a honeymoon, planning a honeymoon, designing wedding rings, ordering wedding rings, deciding what gets engraved in wedding rings, deciding on menus, deciding on cocktail food, deciding on dinner food, deciding on song lists, getting the stupid marriage license that you can only do on weekdays and with a birth certificate, making a seating chart, filling out placecards.... and well, plenty of other things.

It's actually been a fun process and we can't believe we're now under three weeks to go. Of course, we're now into the mission critical stage where we really are out of weekends to say, "We'll get to that..." The truth is, most of this has to be done by next weekend because the weekend after that it all has to be delivered to the reception hall and final payments need to be made. Hooray. Then it's a fun week leading to the wedding (stressless, I'm sure), then the wedding and then off to Hawaii to do nothing for almost two weeks.

I'm not sure we'll know how to cope with not planning this blessed event once we're done. Not that it's over at that point since we'll have all those thank-yous to write. I guess we'll need something to do on the ten-hour flight. Besides join the mile-high club, that is.

Labels: going insane, money, wedding

Well, as of today, we're officially thirty days away from wedded bliss. Or our wedding, anyway.

Why did I use the picture to the right? Well, if you only glanced at it, look closer -- this is one of those examples of things you just don't consider when planning a wedding. See, if you choose to do it on a beach somewhere, this is always a possibility: fat, topless tourists from Alabama. So plan accordingly.

Last night, we had our final meeting with our Pastor and he declared us fit for marriage. It made me wonder what he would say if we had totally half-assed our sessions with him and so I asked. He said he definitely would tell a couple he doesn't think they're ready to be married and that he has serious reservations about it. Evidently, he has no such reservations about us. Good to know.

We've gotten our gifts for our wedding party. We've had our final meeting with the entertainment company, which includes DJ, photographer and videographer. Watersyne has further fittings of her dress. The girls are all getting their dresses altered, where necessary, at this time. The guys.... well, as far as clothing and game-day preparation are concerned, our only responsibility is making sure we don't get so fat we can't fit into the suits we were measured for. Oh, and confirming when picking it up that it's the right tux.

We have to have final conversations with our harpist for the ceremony music, the limo company for the day's details, the reception hall for how we want things set up, set up final payments to multiple vendors, decisions about reception favors.... We're beginning to fully realize why most couples are extremely ready for their honeymoon by the time the wedding day is approaching. Oh, and on that subject, we still need to officially choose our excursions for that.

It's a full-time job, folks. But most of you reading this already know that.

Labels: stupid fat people, The Final Countdown, wedding

Something that's sometimes said about blogging is that there are rules around what you should write about and there are lists of things people think it's taboo to write about. Some of those things involve your pregnancy, your children, your dog, your cats, things like that. Because, really, who wants to hear about how amazing your dog is?

One of the topics that I recently read is to be avoided when it comes to writing your own blog is your wedding. Well, I guess I can understand that, but I don't really care. As you may recall, I make the rules around here.

Last night, Watersyne and I had our meeting at the entertainment company that's handling our DJ services, photography and videography. That's all well and good and we got accomplished what we needed to get done. On the way out, we saw a picture of a reception hall, set and ready for the party (whether it was a wedding or not, who knows). And, you know, if we were having any trouble deciding on the theme for our wedding or what colors to use or the centerpiece that should be on each table... well... maybe this picture answered all of it at once.

I think this might be a winner in so many ways. Yes, that's right, the centerpieces are fucking stock cars. I'm sorry, but... really? Have we gotten to this point with NASCAR's following? I mean, I love hockey but I'm not making each table a team-themed table with a giant puck as the centerpiece. (Although that would be cool....)

"I don't think it's a wedding," said Watersyne hopefully, clearly not wanting to believe it's possible that someone would do this.

And it would definitely make more sense as.... something else. Like a birthday party. But how many birthday parties are so organized? I mean, this is a hall of some sort, ready to host an ostensibly formal event. I mean, except for the giant stock cars overhead.

I also like that they didn't just stop with the massive cars that are a tad big for centerpieces, I think we can all agree. No, they decided that if they were going to do this they were going to go all the way. The checkered flag tablecloth and napkins... the overhead banners for the various drivers. I can almost picture the fistfight between the two hillbillies who both want the last seat at the Tony Stewart table.

Labels: hillrats, NASCAR, things that just shouldn't be, wedding

As you may or may not know, I'm getting married. Part of this glorious process involved getting presents. Sure, everyone loves presents but it's odd (to me, at least) to create a very defined and specific list of things you want and then share that list with everybody.

The only other time in your life when you can get away with this is while you believe in Santa Claus. So from age 8 or whatever up until you're engaged, these rules do not apply and then, suddenly, it's like Christmas 1979 all over again.

My darling Watersyne and I went through the bulk of the registering process back in January and, for the most part, it was fun. The first day was spent at Bed, Bath & Beyond and, I'm not gonna lie to you, the fun part was the scanner gun. Amazingly, she let me handle the gun while she manned a list of "suggested items." I'm not quite sure how they have a standard set of suggested items when they don't know how old people are. I mean, if you're living at home and are 22 and are getting married, you definitely need everything on the list. But I'm 31 years old. I've got a fuckin' spatula.

Nevertheless, not only do they give you suggested items, they automatically add something like twenty kitchen items to your registry because "they're things everybody needs." Really? What if Rachel Ray goes to register there? Do they assume she's never used a large plastic spoon before?

So we set out in the Westchester store because it's huge. I mean, it's HUGE. Ginormous in fact. We started with silverware and, if you know my fiancee at all, you know how indecisive she can be. Starting off with silverware wasn't a good idea. So we moved on to easier things.

Things were going well and, honestly, it does take a while to get comfortable scanning items onto our registry. You feel like it's such a definitive decision as it's electronically added to your wish list. But I got loosened up and before long, I wasn't even waiting for approval to scan things.

"Hey, look, a glassware set..." Watersyne would begin to say.

"Beep," the scanner would say, followed by me moving on to the next aisle.

At one point we came across bottled water. Beep, beep, beep.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hell, they're 59 cents each! This is a steal. Plus we'll probably be thirsty one day."

"Remove them."

I pouted but obliged.

Later on, we were in the kitchenware aisle. For a long time. Watersyne really likes kitchen stuff so I don't think she wanted to leave. And then a couple of weird-looking people walked in and I got a fun idea. I went to the spot where the kitchen timers were hanging on hooks and I went to work.

I set one for twelve minutes. Then another for thirteen minutes. I was up to sixteen when Watersyne caught me.

I figured this accomplished several things:

1. Watersyne hates to be publicly embarrassed (so why she's marrying me I do not know), so this would hasten our departure from the kitchenwares area.
2. It would startle the weird, hillbilly people (one of which had a sleeveless shirt on in January and dark sunglasses...inside).
3. It would amuse me.

We were a few aisles away when the ringing began. And it was fun to pretend we had no idea what was going on.

Usually, I really don't have any idea what's going on.

Labels: horseshoes, pranks, shopping, wedding